Worst Reviews Ever

Greatluigi
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#61

Post by Greatluigi » Mon Aug 19, 2002 6:38 am

Aw....someone do Fire Emblem 4.

DaBob-omb
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Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2001 1:00 am
Location: Funkytown

#62

Post by DaBob-omb » Sat Aug 24, 2002 11:19 am

I can't seem to get my hands on FE4. If you've got it, try and bash it as hard as possible. Ask Yoshi and me for tips. Anyway, I've been renting and playing two different games in the past week. Here's what I thought of them.

Stuntman
Playstation 2
:mad: :mad: :mad:

About the only good quality this game had was the song that played ad infinitum throughout the stunt arena. "Let the bass line get ya...300 lbs. of pressure!" That song is a sentiment to the game. It sounds good on the outside, but when you get into it and try to understand it, you develop an aneurysm.

Let me warn all players out there who think they can beat me at any car game whatsoever. First of all, in a game, I would whup your ass into the next few months (yay, Christmas vacation!) in one of those racing games. Secondly, no matter what kind of "skills" you may possess in a racing game, you'll get nowhere in this game without the three Ps. They are precision, patience, and "Please, God, let me f*cking beat this level! I've done it a million f*cking times and I always f*ck it up! God, help me!" Though I must admit, through beating this game, you might find the way to inner peace, because that's a helluva lot easier than getting through the game.

You're probably wondering if I even played this game by now, so let me tell you what it's all about. As a film stuntman, you have to perform several stunts as directed in order to create six movies that get tougher and tougher every time. The first movie is a low-budget movie along the lines of Snatch. The second is a movie that will remind you of the Dukes of Hazzard if you happen to be one of those losers who are well into their forties and still play video games like little kids. Kinda like my dad. And me in about 25 years.

After this, you go through a Jackie Chan movie, a Tom Clancy thriller, an Indiana Jones flick, and the impossible film I'm currently on, known as Live Twice for Tomorrow, which screams James Bond, and also makes you scream for mercy since it's so f*cking hard. You have to do the stunts exactly as they come, unlike in the other movies where mistakes were allowed. If you even get past the second movie, you deserve a round of applause. Hell, I deserve a purple heart after all I went through.

Spiderman: The Movie
Xbox, PS2, GCN, probably a few others
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

A few years ago I rented Spiderman 2. It was horrible. The game was nearly impossible, though there were many helpful cheats out there that only needed GameFAQs.com to find. But even with the cheats, the game turned out to be horrible. It was nothing but Spiderman's mistimed one-liners, bosses that were too easy, levels that were too hard, and a horrible control system which didn't necessary improve when the movie-based game came around. From the day I returned that game to Blockbuster, I vowed that I would never play a Spiderman game again.

Unfortunately, that wasn't my little brother's vow. He decided to rent this piece of sh*t, but eventually got stuck on it, since he's not that skilled when it comes to video games. Since I've been playing games before my brother was even born, he decided to consult me about it, and since my parents got pissed at me when I refused to help him, I felt that I had to see what the hell could be so good about this game.

I found a game that wasn't as bad as Spiderman 2. It follows the movie pretty closely, and having seen the movie I knew exactly what to expect. I know for a fact that Peter Parker is gay. I mean, what kind of straight man would want to run around town in a skintight costume. The only way to be gayer is to dress up as a large pink triangle. I mean, he has the chance to get the girl in the movie, but instead utters the infamous "Let's be friends" line, something that no real man has ever said in the history of the world. But I digress.

This game is just Spiderman 1 with more combos, less bosses, less cheats, and a wussier Spider-Man. I'm just so glad I beat the whole game in a day so that my brother can have an "accomplishment" of his own in video games. It's a start.

Greatluigi
Posts: 11608
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2001 2:00 am
Location: Radioactive Grinnieland

#63

Post by Greatluigi » Sun Aug 25, 2002 9:41 am

I'll try....my review probably won't be all that good.

Fire Emblem 4.
:mad:

I don't need to say anything about the start....just think...and if you're thinking "Some pretty girl got kidnapped?" Then you're very much right. Of course you get the avarage cast of charecters and they suck of course. You get..
1. The dumb armor guy(Of course of cliche is that
'/1!?!?!?!)
2. The 2 blue haired people.
3. The rival social knights.(Now of course the guy's at intelligence systems weren't thinking! this has been introduced since the first FE! Except they didn't use the matching hair or armor thing.)
And when you move along through the game you get the powerful bard that proves to be the descendant of the holy god Holsety so you're able to use Holsety when you're in selisa. When you reach the final chapter sigurd and his army of around 20 men launch an all out attack against Rangobolt and Leptor when they're defeated you are taken to Arvis for a reward ceremony....oh i forgot to mention the girl that the main charecter falls in love with was kidnapped. And taken to arvis she was hypnotized and was made to fall in love with him. When sigurd see's this Arvis decides to kill off him and his army....but that doesn't mean that Celis doesn't live on....

That was probably bad,but meh. I tried at least. I'll get to the second part of FE4 later.

DaBob-omb
Posts: 3437
Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2001 1:00 am
Location: Funkytown

#64

Post by DaBob-omb » Sun Aug 25, 2002 12:08 pm

Second part? I think you should've just included the second part in the review. That was a good effort.

Greatluigi
Posts: 11608
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2001 2:00 am
Location: Radioactive Grinnieland

#65

Post by Greatluigi » Sun Aug 25, 2002 2:55 pm

Yes. The game is like this. For the first part the leader and main charecter is Sigurd. When he dies the game goes into the second part Celis it's all in one cartridge too. I'll get to it....i also forgot to mention you can make couples in that game. Mess around with their childrens stats. REal fun game :D .

Greatluigi
Posts: 11608
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2001 2:00 am
Location: Radioactive Grinnieland

#66

Post by Greatluigi » Thu Aug 29, 2002 10:43 am

Fire Emblem 4(Part 2)
:mad: :mad:
Alright we pick up from when oifaye takes celis to issac to be raised. They are fighting the barbarians and lex's brother. You meet celis sister Yuria when you conquer the first castle. Then there's the choice of which guy you want. There a axe fighter. And an axe fighter on a horse. The axe fighter is better than the one on the horse. So take him(You'll probably never use him though) This is where it begins to get retarded Yuria is kidnapped like her mother and celis and friends don't seem to notice. Then in like the next chapter...i'll skip all the garbage about leif,Ishtar,Yuris etc...Then when you fight arvis(Not the final boss) He's harder than crap on a stick,it's retarded. And when you fight yuris for control of the most powerful contenet Grandbell all you need is narga and you kick yuris ass. DOWN WITH CHRISMAS!

All in all...it really is the best of the best.

The Cat
Posts: 10046
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Yoshi\'s Island

#67

Post by The Cat » Thu Aug 29, 2002 11:43 am

Do Super Mario Bros.!

The Cat
Posts: 10046
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2000 1:00 am
Location: Yoshi\'s Island

#68

Post by The Cat » Thu Aug 29, 2002 9:46 pm

Super Mario Sunshine!

Vinny
Posts: 20042
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2001 1:00 am
Location: The Fletcher Memorial Home for incurable tyrants a
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#69

Post by Vinny » Tue Sep 03, 2002 2:15 pm

Hehe, I remember this topic in the Misc. forum. How could you handle posting all those reviews and then posting like half a page on Ultimate RPG? Do you have a time machine or do you just completely neglect homework, dinner and sleep? BTW, what became of Ultimate RPG? Did you kill all the Drakes and the baddy? (If you don't visit the Roleplaying Forum or didn't visit it a year ago, this will sound like gibberish to you, so ignore it)

Greatluigi, your reviews are alright and I know you try hard, but try to stick to why the game sucks instead of telling us the whole story. Some people might want to play that later on, and the spoilers don't help. I might do a review later, if the right game comes along.

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