Page 6 of 6

Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2002 7:52 pm
by Bomby
I'll do one

Banjo-Kazooie
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I feel sorry for anyone who has to grin and bear this moronic nonsense. For years, Rare made great Donkey Kong games for Super NES, and also developed the excellent Goldeneye 007 for N64. Well, something happened, and whatever it is, it's not something good.

The insanely stupid duo of a canary that died her feathers red and a bear who insomnia might actually be able to help have to go through this stupid witch's cave because he lost his little sister. The stupid ugly witch, Gruntilda, abducted his sister, Piccolo, because she wanted to become "beautiful and nice" just like her.

If the plot wasn't bad enough, the game play gets worse. The play control is as good as trying to move a stick five inches while stuck in hard, cold, compact dirt. The game starts out with you having to get trained by some four eyed mole for about 932,983,834 hours. When you actually get to the levels, when you first discover certain items, they start to talk to you. Then there are these stupid midgets called Jinjos that talk like preschoolers and add a babyish element to the game. Of course when you get a game over Grunty transforms into some supermodel figure, causing the nerdiest of sickos to start beating themselves like it's a motha****ing strip club.

This game almost makes me glad Nintendo sold Rare to Microsoft.

Posted: Thu Oct 03, 2002 12:01 am
by The Cat
Here's another one!

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
:mad: :mad: :mad:

When I first heard about this game, I thought "Wow! Another Super Mario World game! I'm gonna get it right away!" I spent 40 bucks on the game and it makes me wanna kill Nintendo.

The game starts up with usual Nintendo logo. Then they go to the stupid story that plays music you'll hear on Teletubbies in the background. Here's the story:

A stork carrying Baby Mario and Baby Luigi (That's right folks! A stork! Ninty didn't want anything related to sex in it) is attacked by some ugly turtle witch and Baby Luigi and the Stork get kidnapped. Baby Mario falls towards the earth but then lands on Yoshi, some stupid green dinosaur that talks like a Pokeymon. It's up to Yoshi and Baby Mario to save the day!

You play through the game as 8 ugly other Yoshis as you progress through the worlds. The game only has 48 Exits which is equal to half of Super Mario Worlds.

When you're riding Yoshi, you can't get hit or Baby Mario will start flying away through the air in a bubble. You probably won't even want to rescue the stupid baby as its annoying cries blare through the TV set.

When you finally trudge through 46 Levels, you'll reach Bowser's Castle. But wait? There is no Bowser! No! You'll have to fight this ugly baby turtle who makes annoying noises just like Baby Mario. And when Baby Bowser hits you, he latches on to Yoshi's back which looks EXTREMELY wrong.

Steer clear of this game.

Posted: Fri Oct 04, 2002 10:59 pm
by The Cat
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
:mad: :mad: :mad:

If you think every Zelda game is "good", you've probably never played Link's Awakening.

Story: The game begins when our big-eared girlish hero Link gets shipwrecked on an island. In order to get off he has to save a fish in order leave. The story is crap already but it gets worse...Link must battle worms, pigs, and evil cake enemies in this quest. Usually Zelda games come up with outstanding plots but this one sucks.

Graphics: This game's graphics are about as clear as watching TV without an antenna through a sandstorm. Even adjusting the contrast won't do you any good. Basically, Link is just a black and white blob on the screen.

Controls: What has Ninty done to the controls? You're only allowed to use 2 weapons at a time which will probably hurt you when you're dealing with multiple varieties of enemies at once. Link moves very slowly across the screen unless you use the Pegasus Boots which'll make you probably run right into a hole or crash into an enemy or obstacle.

Sound: Nintendo used the original Zelda theme and mutilated it. Now you can hardly recognize it. The other tunes are repetitive and annoying especially the boss theme which sounds like very crappy rock music. Link doesn't talk but makes retarded screams when he falls into a hole.

This Zelda game goes into my trash can along with the CD-i games.

Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2002 7:03 pm
by Bomby
Barney's Hide & Go Seek
:D :D :D :D :D :D

This is a REALLY awesome game. It stars everyone's favorite dinosaur, the one and only Barney. 10/10. Superb. You'll love this game like you love your mom.

[ October 12, 2002, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: Liquid Swordsman of IKSRTFO ]

Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2002 2:10 am
by Dark Chaos...again.
Review GTA: Vice City.

Image

Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2002 8:39 pm
by SuperMarioBro#1
I DARE, you, mister to even turn the GBA on with Mortal Komabt Advance, simply crappy!

Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2002 7:21 pm
by A Genius
Super Mario Bros.
:mad: :mad:

What was Nintendo thinking when they made videogames? They should go back to making cards! Nintendo sucks. And so does Mario.

Super Wario Bros.
:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

This game does not exist, so it niether sucks nor rules.

Excitbike
:mad: :mad:

Biking sucks. Video games based on biking relly sucks. End of story.

-A Genius (I have nothing to say.)

Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2002 3:09 am
by SuperMarioBro#1
What is the matter, afraid to pick up MKA for GBA! Chicken. And I thought you were cool.

Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2002 7:17 pm
by Bomby
GTA: Vice City
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I don't know who the **** they think they're fooling, trying to bring back the eighties. What a baby game. These people need to play a game that's mature, like Elmo's Number Adventure. This game won't sell a single copy!!!

(Keep in mind that was sarcastic)